if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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