i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
