in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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