We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
