I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
