dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
