I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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