Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
