There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
