Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
