My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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