I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i think my cat just said my name.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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