he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
