I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
