I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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