Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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