oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
