Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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