Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
