If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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