He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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