You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
