I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
