I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
