giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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