I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
