I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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