The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i now understand why vodka
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
