I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
