Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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