people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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