dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
