why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
