jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
