I am midnight drunk by noon
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
