Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
