I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
