get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize