"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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