There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
