Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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