sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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