He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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