You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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