This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize