You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
