don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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