I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
