omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
