don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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