new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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