youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
