You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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