So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
