I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
