both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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