sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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