You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm like, not good at living.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
