just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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