I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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