oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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