I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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