FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
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There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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