I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
