The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
