Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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