I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
