you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
