I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
