im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
